Equinix Opens Paranormal Data Center to Provide Interconnection to the Spirit World

Jane Shurtleff

Equinix today announced the opening of the world’s first paranormal colocation data center, a purpose-built facility for communicating with spirits in the hereafter.

The new underwater facility, called HA0, is strategically placed at GPS coordinates 25.0000° N, 71.0000° W, better known as the Bermuda Triangle. It will provide direct interconnection to the souls of both individuals and companies who have passed on.

“We didn’t think we had a ghost of a chance to interconnect to the ‘other side’ but HA0 has transcended all of our expectations,” said Tony Bishop, vice president, global enterprise vertical strategy and marketing.

Parapsychologists Peter Venkman, Raymond Stantz, and Egon Spengler acted as consultants in the design and building of the supernatural facility. HA0’s main power sources are customized proton packs that can be operated at extreme ocean depths, in addition to an energy source from a slight tear in the fabric between space and time.

The interconnection capabilities are provided by a high-speed, low-latency cable running from a new subsea cable station in Salem, Mass. The data center information management system is operated telepathically by our staff of trained psychics and mediums. Physical security seemed unnecessary, because everyone knows not to mess with the dead, but as a failsafe, physical security is provided by Gatekeeper and digital security is managed by Keymaster Systems.

EPA certification for HA0 is still pending.

“We helped Equinix save tons in energy costs by not needing to heat the facility – and with all of the “cold-spots,” it is literally self-cooling,” Venkman said. “As you can imagine, we are also a green facility, with a practically non-existent carbon footprint.”

HA0 has opened up an entirely new virtual marketplace for Equinix, though we expect business to be extremely seasonal.

“This October 31st, we anticipate extreme spikes in the network from the e-commerce traffic and around April 15th, we expect a flurry of financial trading activity (you know ‘death and taxes’). However, given our 99.9999% average uptime record, we’re confident we can handle these occasional vortexes,” said Dana Barrett, our vertical business development manager.

Multiple business ecosystems are already thriving inside HA0. Financial services is the liveliest and includes giants such as Enron, Lehman Brothers and E.F. Hutton.

The airline transportation ecosystem has attracted some big players that have passed, including Eastern Airlines, Pan Am and TWA, and has more room to grow.

The technology and telecommunications ecosystems are expanding and include the likes of Wang and MCI Worldcom, as well as a continuously growing sub-ecosystem of venture funded start-ups, including Springpad, Outbox, Flud and Boompa.com.

And then there is the zombie ecosystem, which has made staffing the facility with live people and conducting media tours very difficult.

HA0 has a direct connection to our CL9 data center facility, the first data center literally built in the clouds, which was “launched” on April 1, 2015. The virtual connections between the two facilities are enabled by the Equinix Cloud Exchange via a single physical port and support dynamic bandwidth allocation among various entities.

And even though this is our Halloween blog post, Equinix really does provide direct and secure virtual connectivity to the broadest choice of network and cloud providers via our Cloud Exchange. We enable fast access to more than 1,000 networks and our cloud ecosystem has 500+ vibrant service providers, and not one zombie among them!

Equinix’s is a global interconnection and data center company, with a portfolio of more than 100 very real colocation facilities worldwide and 6,000+ “alive and kicking” customers, including enterprises and cloud, content, financial services, network and mobile providers.

Learn how Equinix can help you transform your company into an interconnected enterprise.

Happy Halloween!

Jane Shurtleff
Jane Shurtleff Communication Strategist