Mini-Data Center Trend Seems Terrifying!

New horrors come to light as colocation leader “announces” new locations

Equinix CL1 in Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey

Equinix has always been committed to careful, steady global expansion, though we’ve traditionally focused on larger facilities and metros. But today, we’re announcing that Equinix has taken a “Frankenstein” approach and embraced the mini-data center at the edge trend in a big way, together with our well-known data center protection capabilities!

These smaller facilities aim to give our customers more options in more otherworldly places as they seek to take their IT to the digital edge, while still ensuring the physical safety of our customers’ IT infrastructures, and of course, the safety our workers, too!

We’re starting small by building these mini-data centers in just a few scattered “proof-of-concept” locations that may not even exist. We’ve found these communities to be uniformly charming, except for the cold chill of death in the air, which helps immensely with the physical cooling of the data centers! Here’s a rundown of our new facilities:

FV1, Fairvale, California

This location gives our customers instant access to a thriving hospitality industry in Fairvale, including an extraordinary number of family-run establishments, including the famous the Bates Motel. They all offer free video streaming services, so we think this is a great opportunity for content delivery networks.

“The people here couldn’t be nicer, and everyone is extraordinarily attentive to their mothers,” said Marion Crane, the receptionist at our new facility. “It’s really touching, if by ‘touching’ you mean ‘deeply unsettling.’”

CR1 Castle Rock, Maine

We loved Castle Rock, because it gave us a location close to Canada’s growing cloud market. Castle Rock only seems like it’s in the middle of nowhere. But it’s really just buzzing with all kinds of fun activities, and they have a “killer” workforce. The last we heard, Castle Rock was considering making a bid as Amazon’s HQ2 location, giving our customers greater proximity to the cloud giant.

“The people here seem open to anything, and that’s refreshing,” said Leland Gaunt, a Sales Engineer in CR1. “Sure, it has armies of rabid St. Bernards, like anywhere else. But it’s also the kind of place where Satan can set up a trinkets shop and people don’t judge. That’s rare.”

MI1 Moesko Island, Washington State

Moesko Island, off the coast of Washington, is known for its suicidal horses, but for Equinix it’s an appealing gateway to our Seattle facilities and the entire Northwest. Equinix’s Noah Clay arrived at Moesko six days ago to set up hiring, and he tells us the people are so friendly, they gave him a video tape to watch his first night in town. One even provided the VCR, since those are rare these days.

“I was hoping the movie was a musical, but it was actually an incredibly, incredibly disturbing short film,” Noah said. “Some woman named Samara called when the tape ended and said, ‘Seven days.’ I assume she’ll be visiting me for the week. I’m making a pie.”

CL1 Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey

We’re really excited about our mini-data center at Camp Crystal Lake because it gives us a chance to set up a mini-deep water cooling system, which we think will advance Equinix’s energy efficiency efforts. We were fortunate that the electrical infrastructure was still in place from a summer camp that used to be here, and we just tapped into that.

“The locals affectionately call this quaint little place ‘Camp Blood,’ and it’s got a great spot for pond hockey when winter comes,” said Pamela Voorhess, our sales lead at CL1. “I’m having my boyfriend bring some equipment when he visits, including plenty of goalie masks. I’ve lost about six since I’ve been here!”

We hope you enjoyed our Halloween spoof. Equinix data centers aren’t really scary at all. In fact, they are one of the most physically secure places to put your company’s IT infrastructure and mission-critical applications, with an 99.9999% uptime record. We also are extraordinarily committed to expanding our global presence of reliable colocation and Interconnection hubs in metros where our customers need them the most. (We’ll avoid Fairvale, though.)

Visit our website to learn more about Equinix.

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